The bar is not all it’s cracked up to be, and other lies adults have told me

I remember being 20 years old, six months shy of the big 2-1, and the only thing I wanted in the world was to be able to go into the bar with my friends. A lot of my friends were older, so their Fridays we’re spent at the bar, not being sober while I stayed at home and waited for my turn to arrive to be legal. I would always tell everyone that I had so many days until I turned 21 and people used to look at me like I was an alien. They all used to say “Turning 21 isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. It’s expensive. And loud.” I refused to believe them, I knew that the bar scene would be for me. I knew what bars looked like and I had been in a couple previous to my birthday, but I could never legally sit down and have that ice-cold, refreshing, beer.

Finally the day came that I turned 21, 12:05AM on August 8, 2012 I walked into a bar. Legally. I couldn’t believe it, the day that I had been eagerly awaiting had come, and not a moment too soon. Regardless that I spent the first hours of my birthday in a rinky-dink bar in my little town, it was still a bar, and I was drinking. I had a blast with everyone feeding me shots like candy and drinking miller lites as quickly as one would consume water after a workout. All of my friends that could come out, came and made my day especially great. But during all of this hub bub I realized something, the bar was everything that it was cracked up to be. I feel like they just lied to me to get me to not be so eager about throwing the last of my “non legal” years down the drain. At age 22 I still love to go to the bar, it’s a chance to get out of the house, to do something, to meet new people.

Santa Claus
Christmas isn’t Christmas with out Santa Claus, the jolly old soul. You guessed it, another adult lie. All that nonsense talk that your parents gave you about “You better be good! Santa’s watching!” and the “Naughty and Nice List” was just to get you to behave with bribing you with Christmas presents. Think about this. If Santa is watching all of the time, that means he’s watching me shower, and go to the bathroom, and various other activities. Wouldn’t that mean that Santa was a creeper? Like straight up pedophile? He should be on Megan’s List. Also, for what reason is it that you need to sit on Santa’s lap? I understand that you want to tell him what you want for Christmas, but that could be done sitting right next to him, or he could just read the letter that was sent to him. Finally, the fact that this man, who has to have more than a size fifty in pants, can squeeze himself into yours and everyone else’s chimney  in ONE NIGHT. Every child who celebrates Christmas gets presents from the big man himself underneath their Christmas tree. What if you don’t have a chimney? Apparently your parents let Santa in the front door like mine did every year. With all the stops that he makes, he still manages to eat everyone’s milk and cookies that they leave out for him. At my house, we left Santa my mom’s awesome Christmas cookies and a can of RC cola, because my dad said Santa would be sick of milk by the time he made it to our house.

Stork
There is an appropriate age in where you tell children about sex, but there comes the unexpected time in a parents life where their young child wonders where babies come from. Obviously, they don’t tell them about the whole p in v action that happens, you can’t be that graphic. So to make how babies come from believable to kids, parents tell their youngsters that their little brother or sister is coming by stork. The story goes that the stork will fly over the house and deliver the new brother or sister to them. Now, I’m not sure where the baby comes from, or how the stork retrieves the baby, the parents never relinquish that information. So you mean to tell me a bird, carried a baby, swaddled in blankets, to my house to deliver my baby sister and left her outside for you to find? Isn’t that child abuse? That makes complete sense. Okay. Where is the number to get the stork to come back for this crying baby, I dont want it.

Tooth fairy
The tooth fairy is another one of those lies that adults tell. When you lose your baby teeth as a child, you are suppose to put your tooth underneath your pillow and wait for a little fairy to fly in your room when you sleep to take your newly ripped out, bloody, nasty baby tooth and replace it with money. Now, when I was losing teeth the going rate was $.25, but inflation has now hit the tooth fairy and she is giving dollars. As a child, this is easy to believe…unless you woke up while your mom is putting the money under you pillow. As you grow up you realize that the tooth fairy isn’t real but as a kid, I always had questions like “How does she get into my room?” Or “She’s so tiny, how does she carry my tooth?”. Parents, with the intention of knowing their reputation is on the line, answer with one simple word, “Magic”. Magically, this tooth fairy lady pops into your house, takes MY tooth from under MY bed in MY room, and then leaves me money? What is she going to do with my tooth? Why does she need it? Why can’t I keep it? The mystery is solved when you find out where the tooth fairy really put all of those teeth…in a drawer, in your parents room.

As you can see, there have been numerous occasions that adults have straight up lied to our faces as kids. It just takes for us to get older to realize that they weren’t so much lies as they were little imaginary stories to keep your life a little bit more up beat and entertaining. Any parent will tell you that there is nothing better than your child seeing that they got exactly what they wanted for Christmas, or that The Tooth Fairy came and gave them a dollar. But there are also times where adults will tell you things just so you enjoy your life a little bit longer and don’t wish it all away. Life moves so fast and you only have a limited time to enjoy it, so never wish it to go by faster than it already does. That’s why adults lie to us, so we can enjoy life for what it is, nothing too complicated.

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